Feeding the Fussies

So a few months ago, we had a family over for a little BBQ. Hey, it’s Florida, so we can eat out and throw the kids in the pool 365 days a year. So I bust out the Weber (I’m a purist – charcoal only!) and start grilling.

No cook here, but I can grill the big three (“B3”) - chicken, burgers and ‘dogs - with the best of ‘em. So I am about 5 minutes into the prep and the Guest Mom (no names, call me a wuss!) sidles over and asks what I am doing.

I don’t really know her well, so I laugh and announce I am (trying) to prepare the grill the “B3.”

It turns out her kids don’t eat any of those.

And by the way, Guest Dad wants his burger “Charred on the outside, but super rare” (is that even possible? Given my very basic grilling skills, the answer is no!). Guest Mom wants her chicken “Well-cooked, to avoid diseases, but not overcooked”?! Really? Who doesn’t?

He wants Becks beer. Sorry. We have both kinds of beer - Bud and Bud Light.

One kid wants Motts Apple juice (only Motts! Is he related to them or something?).

I smile and nod politely, but inside I’m thinking “How soon can I show these tools the door?” Of course, no doors were shown in the name of marital harmony.

Next were the sides – unfortunately my daughter made the salad with – horrors – dressing already on it (not on the side), which was the cause of great consternation and concern. One of their kids wouldn’t eat tomatoes that had touched another food (and the tomatoes were nuzzling some onions I think). And of course, the chips weren’t “Baked.”

The condiments were a disaster – no fat free mayonnaise, wrong brand of ketchup (I tore the label off in an attempt to fool the kid) and I think we were without some fancy mustard. Yellow only.

We entertain enough to know this is a onetime thing (literally), but…. Whatever happened to manners? Are our kids growing up in a world where their EVERY whim is law? (7-up not Sprite? No chocolate chips? Yes, dear, Daddy is on it!) .

Ugh.

I swear – If you invite me to your home, we will be 10 minutes late, we will bring you little gift as a thank you for having us over and we will not whine. At all.

Unless you serve Hunts.